Golden Sun: The-Not-So-Lost-Age
by Marth36
Summary: Hello excessively bored fanfic readers! This is my take on The Lost Age (Golden Sun 2)...in case you didn't know, it's supposed to be humorous. :) This is how I think Felix n'Friends will suffer when you (or maybe not...I'm probably the only one who likes
1. Felix-Crazy-Legs

Golden Sun…The Not-So-Lost-But-Really-Just-Locked-Away-In-Felix's-Junk-Drawer Age (Or, the   
fanfic with a really long title and an even longer introduction)  
  
Put together (rather poorly) by Marth36  
  
Chapter One: Felix-Crazy-Legs  
  
Summary: If you're like me, you'll already know that Golden Sun 2: The Lost Age is mere months away from release in the   
USA. And if you're like me (who danced around in a circle, giggled like a little girl for the first time in ten years, and ate   
several chocolates in celebration after defeating Fusion Dragon :)…or maybe you didn't do that…ah well) you're resorting to   
crazy activities such as writing fan-fiction stories to pass the time for the next…several…(sigh)…months. Oh well. As you   
should already know, The Lost Age will most likely involve a high dosage of Felix n' Company throughout the game. SO   
HERE I AM, writing a little story about…Felix and friends…hey, I thought the fan-fiction-reading community should see   
how they suffer when YOU play their game! That's right, YOU! MWA HA! (Actually, I think they only suffer on my   
account because I think I'm the only video-gamer who likes ramming them into walls and killing them off in battle. Oh   
well…)  
  
Please don't sue me or make rude criticism, this is my first humor fic that I've done all by myself. (The first humor fic that I   
wrote was co-written with goldensnitch48—read "Hogwarts and Hairspray" to see the chapters I wrote.)  
  
Soo…Felix and his 'gang' are lying exhausted on the little broken-off island that is Idejima…  
Felix, especially, considering he is in that long cloak, and thick gloves, and even-thicker boots,   
and don't even get me started on the scarf and layered shirts…  
"I get the point!"  
Right…anyhoo…  
Poor, poor sweaty, smelly Felix and the 'other guys' lay there…  
They lay there some more…  
They had nothing to do except lie in the sand and bake in the sun…  
"Hey, I'm hungry," said Kraden.  
*WHACK*  
"Jenna!" said a very-bored-and-with-nothing-else-to-do-except-pick-on-my-little-sister Felix.   
"Now what did you do that for?"  
"Get some menstrual cramps and you'll know why!" snarled Jenna.  
"I'm still hungry."  
"Aw, shut up."  
Anyhoo…  
They simply lay there some more…   
*TWO COFFEE BREAKS AND ONE IN-BETWEEN MEALS SNACK LATER*  
Yep, they were still lying there exactly as they were when I last left them.   
Then, suddenly, Felix jumped up. Quite energetically, he began speed-walking around.  
"What are you doing?" Jenna asked curiously.  
"I don't know!"  
"What do you mean you don't know?" Alex said.   
"Something's…making me…move…around…like…this!" Suddenly Felix bumped into a wall.  
*SMACK*  
"GAH!" Felix had finally stopped. He was holding one hand to his nose. "Crikey! That hurt!"  
"'Crikey?'" repeated Alex.  
"I watch Crocodile Hunter in my spare time, thank you very much," said Felix importantly.  
"Crocodile Hunter?"  
"Duhh! Haven't you heard of television?"  
"Tel-eh-vih-sion?" said Alex slowly.  
"I have a life OUTSIDE of Golden Sun, unlike you—and, of course, the person writing this   
story. EAT THIS, CAMELOT!"  
"I'm still hungry," Kraden reminded the group. He was rewarded with another *whack* from   
Jenna.  
*WHACK* (Just in case you needed the *WHACK* to remind yourself…)  
"One more peep out of you and you are grounded!" Felix said, pointing a finger at Kraden.  
"But—"  
"Sh!"  
"But I—"  
"Sh!"  
"You're acting immature—"  
"Let me tell you a little story of a man named 'Sh!'" said Felix, beginning to walk around again.  
"All I wanted to say is—"  
"Knock-knock."  
"Who's there?" said Kraden.  
"Sh!"  
Kraden opened his (hungry) mouth to say something else but Felix interrupted with a "Sh!"  
"That was a preemptive 'Sh!' Just know that I have a whole bag of 'Sh!' with your name on it,   
mister!" Felix said, walking around again.  
"Who's doing this to Felix?" asked Sheba. Unfortunately, because of her one-line dialogue   
(stupid dialogue writers…) no one paid much attention to her.  
*SMACK*  
Felix had just crashed into the wall again. Kraden sniggered. Jenna rolled her eyes and kicked   
Alex instead.  
"Hey! Ow!" Alex rubbed his blue-haired head. "Now what did you do that for?!"  
"I think slapping Kraden is only making him stupider," Jenna said.  
Meanwhile Felix was bumping into the wall again and again.  
"How did a wall get here?" Alex asked.  
"Hmm let's see, I'm walking around with no control over my legs and you wonder how a wall   
got here. I SEE WHY YOU DIDN'T GET MORE GAME COVERAGE, ALEX!" Felix yelled.  
*SMACKITY*  
"Gosh-darn-it!"  
"'Gosh-darn-it?'" repeated Alex (he isn't smart enough not to repeat things, but don't tell him   
that).   
"I think this story is G-rated," said Felix in apology. Luckily Good Old Jenna was there to save   
the story from getting too boring.  
"No, no, it's PG-13," Jenna said.   
"Oh, in that case—"  
*SMACK SMACK SMACK A WOP-BAM-BOOM SMACKY SMACKY*  
"ARGH! DAMMIT!"  
"Now that's more like it," said Jenna.  
"Stupid-video game-player!" Felix snarled as he began tripping over logs and branches strewn   
over the ground.  
Alex was studying the branches. "Hmm… strange…"  
"What's strange?" asked Sheba, but again, because of her put-in-at-the-last-minute dialogue,   
everyone ignored her.  
"What's strange?" said Jenna, and because of her bossy-ness, and of course, the fact that she had   
said 'menstrual cramps' earlier in the game (snigger) made everyone hear her.  
"The layout of these branches to their astrologic positions in accordance to the ruling planets of   
the Seventh House in the Twelfth Month of the Seventeenth Year—"  
"Get on with it, dimwit!"  
"—they predict that Felix will have plenty of bad luck, become ill at a very young age, and die   
friendless and alone. Plus, he'll never score."  
"Well DUH, numbnuts! Doesn't take a genius to figure that out!" said the ever-so-cranky Jenna.   
"What was that?" Felix yelled as he fell over a stray log.   
*WHOCK*  
"Dammit!" he yelled.  
"It was nothing, Felix! …just a little astrology lesson," Alex said.  
"Oh."  
"Oh right," Alex said suddenly. "I forgot to tell you—the layout of those branches also means   
that it's a poorly-disguised trap that will collapse any minute now—"  
*SNAP*  
"YAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"Okay, it just collapsed."  
"NO KIDDING, BUNGHOLE!" yelled Felix from the depths of the pit.  
"WHO'S DOING THIS?!" Sheba screamed. Unfortunately no one heard her but Felix. (Author's   
note: He only heard her because he's COOL! Yeah! …sorry, I'm a Felix fan. ?)  
"Apparently, whoever's doing this does not like me very much," he answered as a bowl of   
candied yams promptly fell from the top of the trap and hit him on the head.   
"Maybe it's the astrological positions of the branches!" Alex said. "I must make more   
calculations!" And off he scurried with his trusty calculator and a piece of paper.  
"Where'd he get those?" asked Kraden.  
"I believe he stole them from 2002," Jenna replied crankily.   
"I heard you can eat paper," Kraden said. "Do you think I could eat that piece he's got with   
him?"  
"You know, a bowl of candied yams just hit me on the head, Kraden!" the not-so-happy Felix   
yelled. "EDIBLE…CANDIED…YAMS!"  
"Candied yams? Gross!" said Kraden.  
Felix threw the bowl of candied yams at Kraden.  
"Aww, Felix," whined Kraden. "Now you've got candied yams all down my beautiful, beautiful   
robes."  
"Put a sock in it, Kraden."  
"I haven't got socks. I'm wearing boots, like everyone else in this damn game."  
"Then put your boot in it, Kraden."  
"I don't wanna."  
"All right, zip it."  
"You're being mean—"  
"Zip it."  
"Felix--!"  
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A!"  
"Jenna, would you please back me up—" said Kraden.  
"Look, I'm Zippy Longstockings!" said Felix.  
"But—" protested Kraden.  
"When a problem comes along you must ZIP IT! *whip crack* ZIP IT GOOD!" said Felix from   
inside the hole.   
"Stop!"  
"Donburi ramen kintaro," said Felix.   
"What does that mean?"  
"Subtitle—'Zip it.'" (NOTE: 'Donburii ramen kintaro' does not mean 'zip it.' And now back to   
our original programming.)  
"You know, I'd just like you for once to talk like a normal adult—" tried Kraden, but Felix, the   
oh-so-mysterious-guy-that-makes-all-the-girls-shriek-in-adoration-and-write-long-fan-fics-about-falling-  
in-love-with-him, said,  
"Zip it!"  
And Kraden did zip it. *whip crack* He zipped it good.   
Finally Felix got out of his hole. (Don't ask me, it's another crazy plot twist by the good people   
at Camelot. But I kid. I LOVE YOU CAMELOT SOFTWARE PROGRAMMING! YOU'RE   
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!)   
"Now what do we do?" Jenna said (still crankily).   
"Let's see, how about we find out if I will still have absolutely no control over my legs—" Felix   
started to say, but then…  
*WHOOSH!*  
"Hey, wait a minute! Why would my legs go 'whoosh?' "  
"Don't ask me," said Kraden.  
"Anyhoo…"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!   
  
(…All right, that IS there to piss you off. HA! HA HA! HA HA! EAT THIS, STUPID PLOT   
CONVENIENCES!) 


	2. WHASSUP WIT DAT?

Golden Sun: The Not-So-Lost-But-Really-Locked-In-Felix's-Junk-Drawer-Age…or for   
short—T.N.S.L.B.R.L.I.F.J.D.A  
  
Chapter Two: WHASSUP WIT DAT?!  
  
Summary: This part stars…ALEX! Everyone's favorite blue-haired evil person! (Well,   
maybe not everyone's favorite, but work with me here.) Don't worry, Felix n' Crew will   
still be in this story. What kind of a Felix's-Junk-Drawer fanfic would this be if Felix and   
'those other guys' weren't there too? Get ready for a full helping of "Bob," dried prunes,   
The Golden Sun Storytelling-Around-A-Campfire-Hour, and of course, everyone's   
favorite…Alex's "Whassup Wit Dat?!" List. Enjoy!  
  
Finally the stupid person playing the game—  
"Yeah, the stupid person playing the game like it was their FIRST TIME   
PLAYING!" yelled poor Felix.  
Stuff it, Felix. Anyhoo, finally, the stupid person playing the game (let's just call   
him "Bob") like it was their first time playing Golden Sun (there, Felix, are you happy?)   
shut it off, and Felix n' Friends could dance merrily around the maypole rejoicing at the   
wonder of Bob's short attention span. After dancing around the maypole for perhaps half   
an hour, Alex finally sat down on the grass.   
"GAH! OW!"  
Oh yeah…he sat down right on top of Felix's pointy Psy Crystal. Ouch.  
"FELIX!"  
"What?!"  
"Why did you leave your Psy Crystal there?!"  
"Because it's beautiful."  
Alex decided not to press the matter, as he knew Felix would never give him an   
answer that would actually relate to the situation of the Psy Crystal going up his ass. Oh   
well. That's what you get for looking cool, eh Alex?  
"What? I look cool? Do you really think so? Because I thought I was really   
overdoing it with the blue hair and the boots and the thick gloves and—"  
Oh, never mind.  
To take his tiny mind off of the matter, Alex took out a piece of paper and a   
pencil. Luckily Kraden hadn't eaten all of the paper. Even luckier, Felix had tricked   
Kraden into finishing off their supply of candied yams by putting them in Kraden's   
peanut-butter-and-anchovy sandwich. That meant that Alex didn't have to eat them. Now   
if he could only weasel himself out of eating those Flintstones chewable vitamins (part of   
a complete breakfast!) then he'd be home free. He decided to just dump Fred, Wilma, and   
Barney behind Kraden's ratty old couch again. Felix never looked behind the couch,   
although Sheba did. But then again, nobody listened to Sheba. In fact right at that very   
moment she was running around screaming about flying donkeys. Nobody paid much   
attention to her.  
Alex began writing on the paper. (Don't ask me how he learned to write.) The-  
always-curious-Jenna (she gets it from her brother! ?) of course went over to Alex and   
said, "Whatcha doing?" in her most innocent voice. For plot convenience reasons I've   
decided not to make her cranky anymore.  
"I'm writing."  
"Whatcha writing?"  
"You'll see."  
"Can I see now?"   
"No."   
"Now?"   
"No."  
"How about now?"   
"NO."  
"Now??"  
"NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO!" yelled Alex.  
"O-kaaay," said Jenna. "You don't have to be so mean about it." Then she   
skipped merrily away to go bother Felix.  
"Tra-la-la-la-la…hi Felix! Whatcha doing?"  
"Go bother Kraden," Felix said.  
"Okay!"  
And off she went to go bother Kraden, who was eating another peanut-butter-and-  
anchovy sandwich. Little did he know that Felix had stuck a few dried prunes in his   
sandwich as well. Hey, it was the only way Felix could get Kraden to take his   
recommended fiber intake. Remember kids, if you don't want to end up like Kraden, eat   
your vitamins! :)  
And so, finally, it was time for "Storytelling-Around-The-Campfire" hour.  
"All right, whose turn is it for storytelling?" said Felix miserably. He hated   
Storytelling Hour. But he had to do it, otherwise Kraden would either a) scream and beat   
his fists on his ratty couch for several hours, or b) act like a giddy schoolgirl (as Jenna   
pointed out—pay more attention to the beginning of the game if you don't get it, dimwit!)  
"It's my turn!" said Alex, acting like a giddy schoolgirl. "Okay, today I made up   
something SPECIAL for you guys!"  
Felix hit himself on the head.  
"Didja lose control of yourself again, Felix?" said Jenna, bouncing up and down.   
"Huh? Didja? Didja? Didja?"  
"I don't like special things," Felix said. "I like being boring. Why can't you be   
boring too?"  
"Well I don't wanna."  
"Guys, guys! Don't you want to hear what I wrote?"  
"All right, all right," Felix said. "Hurry up and let's get this over and done with."  
"Okay, today I made up my very own 'Whassup Wit Dat?!' List," said Alex   
happily.  
"Oh god," Felix said, putting his head in his hands.  
"You don't look so good, Felix," Jenna, the ever-concerned sister, said. "You   
really should start eating your vitamins."  
"I DO eat my vitamins! In fact I'm the ONLY one who eats them! Nobody else   
even considers the fact that you need multivitamins to grow strong, healthy bones! Alex   
just dumps them behind Kraden's ratty old couch!"  
Alex pretended he hadn't heard that.  
"Okay—my 'Whassup Wit Dat?!' List. Number one…If it takes fewer muscles to   
smile than to frown, why does my face hurt when I'm smiling? Huh? WHASSUP WIT   
DAT?!"  
"That had nothing to do with Golden Sun!" Felix yelled.  
"I know, dawg, I know. Hey, I can add that in! That had nothing to do with   
Golden Sun! WHASSUP WIT DAT?!"  
"My name isn't 'dawg,' it's FELIX!" growled Felix through clenched teeth.  
"Hee hee, you look like a real dog when you make that face. Anyhoo…Number   
two. How come Garet is such an idiot? He always makes Isaac look stupid, when really   
he is the stupid one! I mean, if there are no stupid questions but only stupid people, then   
he's the 'people' that makes every question stupid! Seriously! WHASSUP WIT DAT?!"  
" 'People' is a plural noun, not a singular," corrected Felix. "The correct grammar   
would be, 'Then he's the PERSON that makes every question stupid.'"  
"He is NOT!" said Jenna shrilly.  
"Is too," said Kraden, sticking his tongue out.  
"Is not!"  
"Is too!"  
"Is NOT!"   
"You're only saying that because you LOVE him! Jenna and Garet, sittin' in a   
tree—"   
"FEEEEEELIX!" shrieked Jenna, in that…shrieky…voice little sisters use.   
"FEEEELIX! Make Kraden stop!"  
"M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I!" continued Kraden.   
"You idiot! That's 'Mississippi,' not 'Kissing!'" said Sheba, but alas, not one   
person heard her.  
Jenna threw a bowl of candied yams at Kraden and ran away. Kraden tried to   
follow but Sheba zapped him. Hee hee…  
*ZAP*  
"Hey! Where'd that zap come from?!"  
Sheba looked away and whistled.  
Kraden continued his chant even though Jenna had run away. "First comes love,   
then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" Then he got out a jump rope   
and began skipping along to the words. "Jenna and Garet, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-S-S-  
I-P-P-I-N-G—"  
"NUMBER THREE!" bellowed Alex over Kraden's wonderful spelling talents.   
"My hair is blue! Blue! WHASSUP WIT DAT?!"  
…Several hours later…  
"Number seven-hundred-and-thirty-eight—If a teacher teaches and a preacher   
preaches, then why don't plumbers plumb? WHASSUP WIT DAT? I mean seriously,   
dawg! Ya know, homie? Ya know?"  
"Look, I really think Storytelling Hour's gone long enough," said Felix. "It's been   
more than an hour…plus, you suck at street talk."   
But Alex continued.   
"Number seven-hundred-and-thirty-nine—If buttered toast always lands buttered   
side up and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap a piece of buttered   
toast buttered side down onto a cat's fur and then you drop the cat off a really tall   
building? WILL THEY EVER LAND? WHASSUP WIT DAT?!"  
"Please kill me," Felix begged the gods. Unfortunately the gods were taking a   
coffee break and they didn't hear him.  
"Oh come on, Felix, stop ruining it for the rest of us," said Alex, failing to notice   
that there was no one else around the campfire except Sheba and Felix. Besides, Sheba   
was making a hangman's noose for Felix and wasn't paying much attention to Alex   
anyway. Kraden was valiantly trying to keep jump-roping, but as he hadn't gotten his   
recommended fiber intake yet, he was huffing and puffing and blowing the house down.   
"Jenna and…Garet…sittin'…in a…tree (huff)…K…(puff)…I…S…S…I…(wheeze)…"  
"Come on, Felix dawg, let's just get jiggly with it, alright?"  
"That's JIGGY, you moron! And besides, that phrase hasn't been used since   
1998! Please, Alex, just GIVE IT UP ALREADY! You SUCK at street talk!"  
"Number seven-hundred-and-forty—Why do I look cool? WHASSUP WIT   
DAT?!"  
Felix went over to Sheba to see if she had finished the hangman's noose yet.   
"Number seven-hundred-and-forty-one—The sun isn't really golden, it's more   
like a blinding, painful white. I mean, I've looked at the sun a lot without sunglasses, and   
it's always really, really white! It hurts my eyes! WHASSUP WIT DAT?!"  
"Jenna…and…Garet…sitting…in…a…tree," wheezed poor Kraden.   
"P…I…S…S…I…"  
Felix didn't even bother to correct Kraden on his improper spelling (or WAS it   
improper? Hmm…) and instead began wandering around trying to find a proper tree to tie   
the noose on while Sheba put the finishing touches on it.  
"Over, under, round and round, so your feet won't touch the ground!" Sheba said   
to herself as she tied the knot.  
"Number seven-hundred-and-forty-two—Why is Garet so stupid?"  
"You said that already, numbnuts!" Felix said.   
"Yeah, dawg, I know. But Garet is so stupid, I figured I'd say it again. Ya know   
what I mean, homie?"  
"No, I don't, and I don't ever want to know."  
"Okay fine. The 'Whassup Wit Dat?!" List is over."  
"Thank God!" said Felix, going over to the maypole to dance merrily around it   
for, say, an hour or so.  
"All right then! Peace out!"  
"For the last time, YOU SUCK AT STREET TALK!"  
"Man, Felix, that's rather harsh."  
"Besides," said Felix, "We have to get on to another chapter in this story.   
Kraden's already passed out." He pointed to Kraden, who indeed was passed out on the   
floor.  
"What about this?" asked Sheba, holding up the noose.   
"Some other time," said Felix conspiratorially.   
"Okay," said Sheba. Then she skipped off with the noose, using it as a jump-rope,   
since Kraden had stolen hers. "Over-under-round and round-so-your-feet-won't-touch-  
the-ground!" She was a lot better at jump-roping, maybe because she got her   
recommended daily fiber intake…  
TO BE CONTINUED!   
(Yeah, I admit it…that was just there to piss you off again.) 


End file.
